Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
