I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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