All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
