I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
