she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
