Tell her she can't have a vagina
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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