he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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