Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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