i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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