My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
