I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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