Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
