we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
