I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
