There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
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