why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
