Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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