I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
