you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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