cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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