He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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