So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
