I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
