So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
