If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
