The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My ass is underappreciated
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
