We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
