Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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