She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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