recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
