Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
