he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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