I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
