The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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