During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
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