I want you more than these girls want KFC
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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