And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
