I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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