I'm going to jail i love you
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
