I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Randomize
