I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
