If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
