omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
