So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
