I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
