You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
