addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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