i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
