nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
