It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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