I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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