i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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