i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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