how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
